I also feel bad for author John Locke, who wrote a blog  a year ago celebrating Paterno as a father figure in absentia, as his own father died when he was only two years old. He wrote of the “squeaky clean” athletic program that Paterno ran, how Paterno was his role model while he was growing up and about a book Locke wrote that Paterno inspired, called The Qualities of Character. As a single-parent child myself, I know how desperately important it is to have role models to fill in the hole where a parent used to be. I find myself wanting to send my condolences to John.

We all need role models, even as we become big kids in business suits. But what happens when that role model falls so far so fast? So horribly? Just a couple of days ago I wrote an article about what to do when you lose respect for your boss. Now here I am writing a piece on what to do when you lose faith in your idol.

Remember that the idol may have plummeted from the pedestal, but that doesn’t mean the ideals are invalid. The ideals that your idol represented to you are still valid in your heart and within your reach. Just because your idol fell short on them, that doesn’t mean that they’re unrealistic. If they speak to your heart, that’s reason enough to cherish them – and to still give their inspiration the credit for making them come alive in your life.

Use the crisis to recommit your own dedication to being the person you thought your idol was. You really are the person you’ve been waiting for. And the good news is that you are much closer within reach than your idol is (or was).

Learn compassion for failings. I’m not about try to measure or take a stand on Paterno’s actions. I’ll leave it to the experts to sort that out. But in most workplace scenarios, when much admired leaders, mentors and teachers take a big tumble, it rocks the culture. But does it really have to destroy their standing as an inspiration of the kind of excellence is truly possible in your career and organization? Probably not. Separate the isolated action from the overall contribution. And, if you can, use the experience to show the younger employees that redemption, forgiveness and a welcoming back to the community are all still possible.

Recommit to your duty to represent your ideals to those who are following you, whether your followers are your children or your direct reports. I think an essential part of growing up is realizing that you’ll never be perfect, and, fortunately, being perfect isn’t a prerequisite to being valuable – and inspiring to others. The time has come to take up the work of showing future generations what really can be accomplished in the name of fair play, hard work, dedication to values and optimism.

I’m reminded of a story a former s/vp of HR told me of the time when her cherished boss and mentor suddenly died. At the funeral, she said to the new widower, “Who is going to lead me now?” His response: “It’s your turn to be the leader.”

Whether you know it or not, you’re probably the source of someone’s inspiration. Use that position to inspire yourself to excellence. Consider your own idols, specifically what characteristics they stand for, and keep your standards high. At the end of the day, it’s not about who your idol is. It’s about who you are. At heart.

Ask me about

• My inspiring, effective team-building workshop that unites your group in a lasting, authentic way
• Developing a cadre of highly engaging leaders based on the principles of my book, The Truth About Getting the Best From People
• Celebrating your HR department with my custom keynote speech
• How my employee engagement consulting helps you discover the success secrets of your high performers and infuse them throughout your culture

Linking a business argument to an elevated regard for the passion of the people who work there is an ideal that many long-time HR careerists abandoned in their pursuit for strategic respectability. But over Tiane’s career, she has actually achieved her strategic value by rigorously adhering to her people values.

One of the earliest employees at AOL (she began her tenure there when it was so new that many people misheard “AOL” for “American Airlines”), Tiane became – and remained — one of the dot.com lucky ones. She came to Northern Virginia from many years in Connecticut where she worked for Aetna and Newfield Publications, cycling her way through the many aspects of functions of the HR profession. But no matter where she was or what she was doing, the running theme to her working experience has been: Is this true to my values and reflects the best of who I am? She is now using that essential question to help AOL employees achieve that same sense of place within the ever-transforming company. And, to AOL’s credit, the company recognizes that the thousands of individual answers to that one question are an essential ingredient to its long-term success.

What was the moment that changed your career forever?

On August 8, 1988, the first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning was the Nike commercial that said, “Just do it.” That morning when I walked into my boss’s office, I opened my mouth to say, “good morning,” but out came, “I can’t do this anymore.” I was working for a great company, but my immediate manager was driving me crazy. She said, “What are you going to do?” And I could only say, “I’m not sure, but I know it’s not going to be this.” I took all my money out of my 401(k) and used it for a full year to catch up on the things that gave me joy. I went to the theater. I visited friends. I read books. And at the point I started thinking, “This money is going to run out,” I started consulting with little groups on HR and diversity-related issues. I got exposure to a variety of companies and eventually took a job at what eventually would become Newfield Publications, which published My Weekly Reader. During that year I realized that I will be okay no matter what happens. I also discovered the importance of being true to who I am. And I really understood the things that are important to me, which I’ve grouped into my Five I’s: Inform, instruct, influence, inspire and to do all those things with integrity. It didn’t matter where in the organization that would be, but HR continued to be a good fit.

And for you right now, it’s diversity?

It’s more than just diversity. It’s about inclusion. Diversity is one of those emotionally charged words that prompt a lot of people to immediately assume it’s about affirmative action. Inclusiveness is about how you bring the whole person to work. How the workplace honors that person and how the person is fully engaged in helping you meet your business objectives.

I would imagine that some leaders might be tempted to think, “That’s an awful lot of trouble when all I want to do at the end of the day is to be profitable.”

Absolutely. But if you look at the world outside, it’s becoming more diverse. If you truly want to understand where your potential consumers are, you need to understand in what ways this potential market is similar. And what ways they are different. And how you can leverage both.

You are now Senior Vice President, Diversity and Inclusion. Everyone who knows you would say that’s the work you’d been doing for years without the formal title. It seems that now you’re being officially recognized and tasked with doing what excites you the most.

You don’t have to have a formal position to be a leader, or be annointed by the higher ups. You lead because that is what you do. If you’re authentic, the recognition will follow, either formally or informally. You can pursue your passions within the HR role — maybe ultimately demonstrating to the organization overall that your personal mission has a business case and you should be given the official mandate to make it happen. When our new executive vice president of Human Resources, Lance Miyamoto, came on board, he said, “I could have you in a generalist role supporting the corporate group. But you have built a relationship with the fifth floor [which is where all our executives are]. I want to leverage that in terms of some of the things we know are coming down the pike – like focus on how we create a healthy, high-performance inclusive culture.”

What does that mean to you?

It means that I’m tasked with creating a place where everyone comes with whatever differences we bring and can say to themselves, “Hmmmm, not only do I feel fully realized in this company, but because I do, this company performs on a higher level than it would otherwise.”

With all the changes that have happened in the last years, especially with AOL, how have you kept your hopes and expectations high?

I believe in the possibility of this company. To me, AOL stands for creative thinking and energy to do the heroic. It stands for helping people connect with one another. And there have been times I’ve said, “For two cents, I’m leaving this company.” But then an employee will come up to me and tell me that some thing I did or said to them made a big difference to them. Those are the moments I think that those folks have been sent to me to remind me that I’m doing something good here. When you’re doing something that honors you, keep doing it.

Do you think HR is in danger of losing its soul the more it tries to reach for that proverbial seat at the table and get strategic?

Oh yes! Particularly when we start talking about human capital and return on investment. At some point, we are going to get so analytical about everything that we reduce people to numbers, percentages, productivity gains without acknowledging what the person brings to the table is their emotional make-up, their heart, their soul, their energy, their spirit. We have to remind ourselves that’s part of our role too. Yes, we have to make the business case, but the business case is tied into who the people supporting it are.

How do you do that and not set yourself up for being indicted for being too soft?

Part of it is going back to looking at what keeps people from bringing their whole selves to the workplace. Once you focus on those things, it’s not about being soft, it’s about making sure you’re keeping people who they are, fully honest, fully open, fully effective.

Since innovation and creativity are so essential to future prosperity, we have to be able to find a comfortable appropriateness for individual personality – and then link it to the bottom line.

Exactly.

You have also said that the company’s values are also essential to you.

At AOL we have what are known as personal best principles that center around collaboration, execution, leadership, innovation, and accountability. (The sixth one I want to add is inclusion.) It helps me to remember things as acronyms. And I thought about The Color Purple, which is my all time-favorite movie on the planet. In one scene, there’s a confrontation between Celia and Mister. She says to him, “Until you do right by me, all that you ever do will fail.” Ah ha! That’s how I remember what the core values are for AOL. They spell her name! And those are the values that we have to do right by in order to succeed as a company.

What is the most important personal lesson you’ve learned in your career?

It’s okay to ask for help and accept it. While I was living in Connecticut, I was driving home from dinner one night and a truck slammed into my Toyota Celica, sending it over the two cars in front of me. I broke bones in my back, pelvis and tail bone and needed months of recovery time. After my mother stayed with me for 12 weeks, she had to go home. And some friends told me to stay with them, saying, “We want to do this for you so you have one less thing to worry about.” It’s also okay to feel that you don’t have to pay the favor back directly to the person who helps you. The next opportunity may be to help someone else down the road who needs your help more than the person who just helped you.

What is the worst thing that people on the way up can do to themselves?

Not establish their personal credibility. You have to establish yourself as a person of credibility. Do what you say. Deliver good value. Make sure people understand who you are in the process. On the basis of understanding who you are as a person, go out and do the work.

What’s the best piece of advice you have to give them?

Be less focused on what your title says, or how you define what your role is. Be open to all the possibilities that are presented to you. Make sure you’re doing something that you can get absolutely excited about. You have to be an HR person with the ability to be a business person with the HR heart always in front of you.

If you’re running those two programs, so to speak – business and heart — which one should be in the background and which in the foreground?

You have to be heard first before you can influence. I know I’ll get the attention of business people when I talk about the impact on business. But in the background, I’m always pushing the question, “Have you thought about how this might affect the people?” It’s “transparent to the user,” but the heart is always there.